This is Your Life

Its a song from The killers most recent Album. and i post the title as this because of these lyrics

Crooked wheels keep turning
Children, are you learning
Acclimatize but don't you lose the plot
A history of blisters
Your brothers and your sisters
Somewhere in the pages we forgot

Take a number Jackie
Where the blood just barely dried
You know I'm on your side

Wait for something better
No one behind you
Watching your shadows
You gotta be stronger than the story
Don't let it blind you
Rivers of shadow
This feeling wont go

And the sky is full of dreams
But you don't know how to fly
I don't have a simple answer
But I know that I could answer
Something better

That has to be the most like..awesome..train of thought. haha. Ironic, I did exactly what i didnt want in my previous blog and you know what? i dont mind it. and i knew i wouldn't, which is why i didnt want to do it. haha. To reitterate, In my previous blog i pretty much said i dont want shit to happen to me and i actually want to live a upbeat life because if i took too much shit, i would go into my isolation mode again. Everyone annoys me now to an extent and thats the only flaw to this feeling of isolation. I hate the feeling of annoyance, thats why i dont feel it. haha but i do feel it now. Everyone i was close with for some reason im finding reasons to make me want to be like..dude. shut the fuck up! >.> seriously. All guys annoy me cause of their egos and all girls annoy me cause they bitch too much. The few girls i got close with, they tend to take advantage of my strong will and they grow comfortable with the insults and the pokes. Before it was like...oh haha youre funny! cause honestly, i didnt give a shit. For some reason im now like...chill. know your place. zzz. So im going into a state of isolation and now ive concluded that im a one man army, dude. Friends, fuck that shit. Everyone looks like ben to me now in some way shape or form. meh.

A good example of how im growing to be annoyed by people is like..This dude i met named chris i Internshiped with. Hes 25 and he works at blackstone as a supervisor and hes like..up there. Stable engineering career and he got his shit going for him cause he knows what hes doing. I respect his role and he was really bro with me but i got annoyed with him too. I was just small talking with him in the car cause he was dropping me off at Northeastern after the internship and you know how guys they talk about girls, cars, money, sports or...girls. When there are only guys. Its a sense of masculinity. when we drove through south station i was like "I found it interesting how one day when i walked through south station i saw nothing but ties and tucked in shirts. Not one dude has on a pair of jeans...until i passed the intersection right beyond southstation..not 10 ft away from the business looking place." and he was like.."I dont know man, i only look at the girls here" and we both check out girls until we passed the intersection (in my defence i only complied because i felt obligated to fit the conversation because i might co-op there, because it is a very good general contracting company) but like...really?! Cut the shit. Like..is it really nescessary to display your manly bonor with a up and coming engineer thats 6-7 years your minor and in a still, i considered, a professional atmosphere. So like, even though he was cool, i was still in my professional mode and i got annoyed cause it was like..dude. cut the shit you REALLY dont have to talk about girls ALL the time. That wasnt the only time in the car ride either.

And it really doesnt help how this friend of mine..everytime i winch at the names Colin or Cung shes like..youre obsessed about them. Im like..seriously. Obsession is the WORSE choice of word. and she knows it she purposely does it to fuck with me. Honestly, it pushes me farther away from people. If its anything, I take Anger the most seriously out of all of my emotions because people rarely see me pissed off. To see me pissed off and to be one of the few to know how i am when im pissed at someone, why the fuck would you abuse that? Its not even like its. Ohh you have a crush on herr Ooh. Like even if she said that 100 times i wouldn't care cause at least thats like a postive emotion and i can laugh that off. Like sure i like her *giggles* or something like that. but to fuck with my anger when i used to have anger management problems? *smh* lol.

Yeah, my life isnt stable anymore..its sluggish. Meh, after smoking today though i thought again..for the 3rd time in the course of like..two days. Wtf am i doing with my life. geez, its funny and sad how you see my rises and drops through my blog. Even though i post in spans of like..weeks or days. I did a really good job writing at the right times.


The positive? Im less fuckin hit me and more. let me fuckin hit you. lol. Im ready to make shit happen cause of my sluggish life because i realize i was being introspective this whole time. Im ready to change a couple people to make MY life more comfortable. lol. Btw. Fuck you Kobe. lol