omg. i finsihed one of the best animes yet this weekend. People chuckle and shit when i tell them i learn life lessons from anime's such as fullmetal alchemist but shit. This anime held such a strong message in a mere 27 episodes. Actually i had a philosophical epiphany afterward that was so massive it left me with a headache for the next couple hours and im still fighting. This blog isn't suppose to be as happy but thats show was SO AMAZING.
I'll explain why it shouldnt be so happy because well, I realized through the anime that the anger i felt right before i lost my memory..was so immense that the process had to happen in my sleep and i felt asleep and meditated sleeping to conserve as much energy as possible. I thought it was anger this whole time that i felt up into the end, but actually now that i felt it due to the anime and i look back. Its not anger i felt anymore that was only the tip of the iceberg. What i felt was immense willpower. They called it fighting spirit. This can automatically put me into a state of meditation and a very high level of it. Con? well, Think of fighting spirit as the feeling of adrenline rush + anger but perfected in perfect synchronization. Of course that doesnt simplify it anymore so here in pure english. Everything you do, you litterally put your LIFE into it. Such passion and the willingness to die is so great that the driving force is ridiculous. Why is it sad? because i felt it and it slapped me in the face after the anime. This power is too much for me to handle and it will throw me into my own world and back into old thomas in a heart beat. I wouldn't need human communication, i wouldnt want it. I would want to die CONSISTANTLY. the obssession will drive you nuts. and im pretty sure everyone can after watching it cause it does such a good job illustrating this power. The determination and wilpower will leaave your jaw drop. So these two nights ive been trying to fight off this adrenline rush now lol cause i want to not think anymore and i want to be naive.
This blog post was suppose to be a post saying goodbye cause i would die again because i felt as if i belong in my own world, because that is pretty much where i was born and raised but ever since sunday ive been fighting it. Trying to find reasons why i should not dive back into my comfort zone.zzz you HAVE to watch this show. lol. The confidence and power i feel within myself was such a fimiliar and welcoming place for me its been hard fighting it. It made me completely depressed last night cause i want to think again and just say..fuck people. so bad. but i dont want to dive back in..not yet.
Speaking of which im really cracking down on quitting smoking. I dont need it anymore. With the willpower locked up in a safe just in case and my adrenaline rush flowing at a low consistant pace i can do without it. I can definitely meditate sooner than i expected though if i did let myself loose but the person i would instantly turn into and the world i would be sucked into...isnt worth it. I want my fucking childhood.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment