You know, I had a choice between two titles. It was either "My Perfect Day" or the one i posted. i've been waiting two days to post this blog post so i have alot to say. I chose this title cause i could have put a title emphasizing on the awesome weekend i had or i can be a bit more down to earth and tackle a problem. I watched a movie when i was little about one of those white moms that are a bit trashy and she was so addicted to smoking that she was biting her nails trying to get the nicotine that found itself underneath due to the smoke. her nails were as yellow as the filter cause she smoked packs a day. This thought terrifies me cause i notice myself already biting my nails so yeah >.>. i will never become like that. Anywho..
My perfect day! One of Kevin's most renown conversation starters is "What would your perfect day look like? down to like..fuckin..what you look at, which route you choose to get home..how many times you breath." ahha its a interesting question. Recently i actually experienced my perfect day and so i wish to share that with you now.
The day starts around 800..just early enough to consider it early. I was early for school for thirty mins and had a stats test (this is the only flaw to the day)...i bombed it. lol. but its w/e im retaking it and getting a A haha. School should end early. School for me ended around 10:30 due to my bombing of the test. During my perfect day, I should show someone my serious side. Right after class i had a Bottomline appointment just to catch up on stuff and well, I love my mentor, i think shes hot and she speaks realisticly and softly, reasonably. But during this appointment i got tired of her statistics because i just bombed a stats test so i was easily offended. Our appointment was pretty much all about my grades and what i wanted to do next year, Btw her name is Amy. She was looking at my grades and said, you want to stay at cps with these grades even though its so expensive? Its 15k MAX a year to graduate neu from next year henceforth with a BA. I said to her it wasnt that expensive, its close to UMASS cost except a bit more..and its worth it if its NEU. By the time this subject came into hand and she said that first question i already caught what she was implying and began to be offended. She went down the route i was wishing she didn't, she was telling me to just go to a community college because with the grades im getting, what good am i going to do at neu anymore? she refrained from using the word "Waste" when speaking about the money i had to pay. I was just waiting for her to say "You're wasting money staying at neu cause your gpa is continuing to be this bad, just go to a community college and get a 4.0 first" BUT SHE SAID EVERYTHING BUT THE WORD WASTE. lol. i used all my power to tell her fuck you politely. I said honestly, this is probably why i've been doing so bad in school, but i dont think school is all about the grades" and she responds by saying "thats exactly what its all about!!" and i continue by saying "its the experience and the challeneg and the learning experience. If i allow myself to downgrade now then who am i to myself? I have a pride issue, i know it but if i go to a community college, whos to say ill do better? i might just do worse because of the sole fact that i purposely bumped myself down" The conversation begins to get tense cause even though we were both speaking softly i was very serious..very offended. She said in response, "well whats to say youre going to do any better next year at neu?! foundation year gave you a chance pumped with resources and you didnt take it" I reply in response. "Hope. i have hope and confidence in myself because if i cannot do this then regardless of where i go afterward, i would have nothing" And while i was continuing my next statement by saying "I know, its suicidal but i'm the type that prefers to learn how to run before i walk..." and she excused herself from the table for five minutes. she went to the back to vent to the other mentors that i was crazy..the dean came out from the back before her and said so himself...hes a chill guy. I chuckled at that annoucement and waited for her response after she came back. Apparently she was doing research back there and she was looking up how much it would cost for me to stay at northeastern. She came back out with a calculator side by side and just started by saying..lets look at the financial part of this. My perfect day must include me showing my serious side and having people LISTEN to me. I felt a weight off my shoulders after she came back, ready to help again..im very grateful to have her as a mentor. We talk money and just..plans of my career and the reoccuring theme was, "I have to have hope and confidence and do this for myself and because if i can't survive in northeastern then i like...completely fail at life and thats that" She realized that since im taking night classes ill be working in the morning as well and commuting at night. She sighed but continued the conversation. After i left we were on good terms and i had three more hours until work and it was noon by the time i got back on campus. My perfect day has to have good weather and alot of free time. I ended up reading to sleep on a very comfortable bench...and woke up with people sitting around me and still having more free time! it was a great feeling. It was just enough free time for me to stretch and kinda take a breather though. so i didnt have time to be bored. I went to work and i work from 3-8. My perfect day has to include me earning money and easily..or enjoyably. My job was dead easy and once it striked 6 i have already went through 3 episodes of trigun, finished my hw, and got bored..i blasted music and sang along from 6-8. My perfet day should include MUSIC and a perfect amount of me time vs people time. After this shift alone, periodically talking to random people and holding funny conversations with lost people passing my info desk, i decided to walk towards BLS because it was BLS asian night. my perfect day should also include MINIMAL expenses I snuck into asian night cause it was already 8 by the time i got there, i left work early. Right when i walked into i felt at home again...there were people..a whole ROOM full of people laughing and happy. After doing a shift which had very little human contact its good to see alot of people happy. It makes my day. so i enjoy last three shifts by finding a random empty seat and sitting alone. Afterward i saw all my bls friends. and it was great. My perfect day has to include either, a good amount of my best friends together randomly or a significant other. :] I did not expect to see so many 09'ers. after that me and donvu had a heart to heart conversation walking around and had dinner together. My perfect day should involve bonding with another, just as much as i bonded with myself that day. it was a perfect day. I kept busy but had free time at the same time. Sigh* i just wish i Ace'd that test. that night i went home and my whole family was there. I realized this was a perfect day on the walk home while smoking. lol.
Anywho there is alot more i want to talk about but this entry is long enough. I've been getting closer than ever before to meditating and already sucessfully meditated once for ten minutes. I was left completely drained though.. Keep updated.
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