Bandoliers &rebellion

Its the song i like right now.Its from a band called them crooked vultures. Ive decided that im going to one of their concerts because they are the closest thing to metal now and i refuse to die without experiencing a awesome headbanging just..awesome rock concert. lol. Well. Bandoliers is a fancy way of saying a bullet belt. The song is dedicated to those people that stray in your life and you find yourself in a really weird or uncomfortable relationship. of course, it is my favorite song right now. and because it relates to me. me need for a stable growing social network is essential to being who i am. These fucked up relationships im having with groupies and girls are bothering me. One example would be the girls i was refering to in my most previous post. there are others girls like this too. They would be much more friendly about the separation though, but there is still a unspoken awkwardness. I would be fine living withthis life style, hell, probably give it some time and with hope i can give them a second first impression. I thought it would be like that with me and this girl i used to talked to named angela. Old name. I told her "Yeah i like you..probably more than a friend, but i like how we are now more :]" and she responded maturely like, "good, me too, because i wanna just have fun, i am not ready for a serious relationship right now" and we continued talking..but due to her refusal to hang out with me and all we did was text i gave up and stopped talking to her. It was a gilded friendship. So she started poking me on facebook recently and i was like..fml...but i was like..okay. lets see how this goes. after i text her..not instantly..but i waited a couple days each time and poked her back twice in a span of like..two weeks. and the third time..today..i decided to just text her poke. she was cool. we texted back and forth until she stopped texting because i asked her "what are you planning for valentines?" that pissed me off. like..dude grow up im not trying to hit on you geez. shes probably just so used to me trying to ask her to hang out and rejecting me but even back then i knew it want goign to go anywhere. she just kept refusing and making it awkward even though i told her i just wanted to be friends. so now i tried calling her. of course she doesnt pick up. i want to just cuss her out and say dude. seriously..were just friends. sure we kissed once. but i moved way before we even established our friendship. Now stop being so blantly awkward cause thats why i stopped talking to you in the first place. time for a fuckin intervention. all these people that think its awkward to talk to me. im going to slap them and tell them to grow the fuck up. unless their annoyed by me. which doesnt make sense cause everyone ive talked to in college has small talked with me at least once in a one to one quiet atmosphere and saw my calm side more than once. if theyre that stupid to only see a hyper naive guy then thats why im intervening. christ. cant a guy just socialize without all this unspoken awkwardness with whos around? it was funny cause i called angela three times actually. once i went ringing like five times and i hung up cause i said..shes doing a paper..fml. and second time kevin saw my resolve and was like..wtf was that? and so he insist i follow through by calling again by grabing my phone and calling her again..he accidently hangs up when he passes me the phone. i of course..facepalm. so i saw..no fuck this shit..and i call her again and that time i wait until voicemail. no pick up. ehh..if she text me again ever im going to just say it straight. I need to fix the mess i created by going partying and taking advantage of my ability to just drop people out of my mind. it created a lot of bad relationships. So saying i grew out of the party life but ehh..i have a different perspective. I have a party thomas and a outside-of-party thomas :P


On a completely different topic, me and kevinstayed at curry with dave(pool regular) and evan(kevins room mate) and we were talking about nature vs nurture (the paper i havent started due thursday). the discussion evolved to science and the 11th dimension and just...great conversation. very scientifically inspiring. What i want to point out is i notice kevin is starting to read me. because he face palmed a lot throughout the discussion because i said more than several points about nurture and how rebellious people may affect the flow of events. and he realized, as well as i, that i virtually rebel against EVERYTHING. lol. is that a problem?..idk kevin asked me though, "goddamnit thomas why do you love rebelling?" and i respond, "cause this world is a peice of shit" and hes like.."did you start rebelling before you found out that the world was a peice of shit..or after?" and i hesitated. because im like..thats a good question..i was always a rebel. i rebel against everything because it gives me more effective answers looking at the other side. idk. is that an excuse? He had a point though...i rebel about everything. Even though ive changed so much..its deep in me and makes who i am. im a rebel. meh..just a thought that will stay in the air. I dont plain for it to go anywhere.