Electricityscape.

Well, for starters, my music is changing into something i can no longer direct. The strokes to me right now is my favorite band, unfortunately it isnt as close to me as atreyu was back then. But i can listen to them forever. This song of theirs, Electricityscape. I found the title so interesting, just like the lyrics and for the longest time i did not understand it until i was browsing on youtube and one of the comments under the music video said, "did you know a synonym for electricity is current?" once i read that it dawned on me..current escape. To escape from present time. I find this title most fitting for my mood i want to display through this blog post. I feel like I'm sinning by making this confession. I want to love. this urge in choking the sunlight out of my days. I want to escape from all of it though..because i know this feeling would do me no good. All i wanted in life was knowledge..a cottage perhaps..and a dog named scruff. These emotions that are beginning to enter me are like someone is twisting a knife in my gut. It makes me weak. It makes me ask people for help. I hate that. What bugs me is i cannot direct these emotions to anyone. zzz i dont want to seem desperate, cause im not. Im not sure what i want. im almost positive im scared of commitment but i would die to throw myself into someones arms. I find this ironic, how people say, " in order to love another you must first love yourself." I love myself so much i couldn't let myself find another else even if i did. I respect myself too much. But it was my duty to find someone new. Life works in a cycle and i knew in order to completely finish my cycle i have to live happy with another at least once in my life. I want to just be happy with someone else now damnit so i can get it out of my system get love out of my system and live single. Recently, there was a girl in my life. (like go fuckin figure, ive been throwing myself everywhere like i was buying tickets for a raffle, hopefully the more canidates the more likely i would find someone)but i only have so much energy in me to commit time into one girl. Girls are such douchebags, they dont have to care about anything while the guy has to have all the game and gradually charm the girl. fuck this shit. Then they end up leading you on until you realize your nothing but a fuckin tool. sigh* im done ranting. 2000..its been a decade. can i PLEASE PLEASE just like..last steps. i dont even really consider this part of the process anymore cause im so close to the end. this is just..the end of the cycle. sigh* fuck idk what to do with my life. i swear if another girl screws with my head. im slapping the shit out of her. lol.