500 days of summer

I fuckin love that movie. I know exactly how the main character,coincidentally named Thomas as well, feels. i understood how he felt when he woke up everyday for 500 days, how he slept, what he did...just everything. It sucks cause i was in his shoes before. I bring it up even though it is a old memory to me because i just watched it for the 5th time with my sister. haha. Well. This title didnt have much significance so im going to write a casual post. These should help project how my life is without all the moody moments. I feel like right now im gliding. Im not over motivated but i have work in front of me. Im not much interested in girls right now after the most recent one. Im just focusing on steadying my life..getting better at pool and improving in anyway. Pool has become my anti-drug. I recently beat the best person at neu, bo. and some of the big boys like Dave and the other asian bo. Its crazy how im on their level because i would have never seen it coming. It has only been several months and i still have the rest of four years of college. My billards future holds great confidence and i hold onto it tightly. Academics is like gears again. i need to actually move one gear to get the other gears moving. and its a gradual process. Winter vacation was too long and i stayed away from the books too long. I dont see myself in a pickle though cause i know i can excel. and i will. Well, even though it was only recently where i was just..suffering cause i couldnt find a girl, im pretty calm right now. Why? cause im having fun toying with Anh. This girl was the most recent one i wanted to get with. I think its safe to say personality wise were are pretty compatible. I am a ery compatible person if a girl makes effort. but in this case compatible is used very loosely because we can text back and forth and talk for a long time cause shes cool but i found out recently tanks to her own mistake of not realizing me that she has a terrible personality. For the longest time i talked to her and gradully tried to win her heart cause she knew i used to like her and thought i was a creep. (i HONESTLY dont remember liking her though..or even talking to her much at all) anywho. i thought i was doing a good job but i gave up shortly before she texted me saying "btw, i dont like my manager anymore, i fell for this other guy...he's my coworker" and i lol when i find out this guy is the worse guy ever. i mean he tells her that hes the gf type...but he slept with several girls before..and apparently he keeps her updated. lol. hes a fool. and this is when i saw her true colors cause she couldnt help but to fall for him. haha now im comforting him.. (less than a week after hearing his name in the first place) and shes distraught about him and doesnt know if she should break it off "since he was soo nice and sweet to her" which honestly...i probably treated her 10x better. im not complaining though cause through the recent conversation she showed how weak and naive she is about guys. Completely turn off. Now i dont text her unless she texts me. Since a girl did this to me before, i noticed how effective this is to say "you fail at life so fuck off" politely. lol. after a while she'll get tired of trying to start the text everyday. ehh. Im having fun comforting her whenever she initiates a text cause unless shes really stupid she'll see i was always better. Not to be cocky but when i want a girl i basically consider myself in a relationship already...and i prioritize. So no its not cockiness i do put alot of effort into it. haha. anywho shes going to most likely fall for me but its too late cause i dont like her anymore and i know shes weak and dependent and immature. She'll thank me if what im doing helps her mature. ehh. thats in the back of my head. What i've actually been thinking alot about is what i want. What i want my future to show. Do i still want a home all to myself with a big field and a dog named scruff? I talked to phi recently on the phone. We talked very casually. I was in a good mood so i wanted to hang out with her since i was at moses's dorm in BU. its w/e. she was at home. zzzz...im addicted to Kings of convenience right now. i have this song on loop called Boat behind by Kings of convenience :] i love this band right now.

there is a problem i want to admit but it will hurt if i say it..kinda like pulling a knife out of my gut. But i beated around the bush enough and tried to not get myself to write about it for long enough. soo. I hate psychology. i love it cause its EXACTLY what i meant when i said the word "thinker" in past entries, coincidentally psychologist use the same term to describe themselves. for the past like..decade. literally ive been a psychologist and didnt know it. the only difference is they have terms and confine themselves by using them. Im free to connect the thoughts and endless types of psychological studies because there is no such thing as structuralism and fundamentalism in my head..there is only life. i see it as a puzzle in the making. they see it as a puzzle already done. Thats why the textbook is different..and why the ideas are still being disputed. eh. it hurts to admit it. cuse what i had was a talent. i probably wasnt destined to be a fuckin engineer but an actual philosopher. unfortunately i didnt blog before 2007. or more like i couldnt. i purposely threw it away and now every tuesday and thursday i have to student exactly what i wasted a decade of my life on. it sucks. and its too fuckin ironic