P.s.

So...in about 30 mins..im going to go work with my parents on a nightshift...and might get home around noon tomorrow. I just want to say, i've respected them with my life. And treated them like the closest friends. But i honestly hate their guts and even though i respect them i cannot love them for they never did do any parenting. They have no idea phi even exist. All they see is this little boy that never changed and ive tried to live happily in this household, accepting my role as the POS my dad and mom keeps reminding me i am. It okay. I just..this is a great turn of events cause the old thomas would have never helped them, cause they havent really earned my physical help as a person. Sure they've earned my loyalty and ears when they have something to say. But old thomas would have never allowed them to put me to such work, cause the job they work at, isnt going to teach me shit. Im going to be up for the next 12 hours + straight scrubbing off layers of grease off restaurant kitchens. If i do this work, this is telling them this is what i do and im fit for this job. That is basically completely kneeling to their shit that theyve thrown at me. I, as a new thomas. Will say to my blog and fellow readers. Idk. Idk why im such a douchebag and just willnot accept the task of helping my parents when they are hurt. Its probably because the only discipline i remembe them giving me is when i cried and yelled at my dad "IM ALLERGIC TO APPLES STOP MAKING ME EAT THEM" and he'll be like "shut the fuck up" and try to stick it in my mouth cause he just believed that i made myself allerigc and if i ate enough the allergies would go away. I hate my dad, and my mom. id never forgive them for the false discipline and not being the parents i can go to when i needed guidance. all my growth was due to self and rebeling against them. Im a fucking shitbox. But, idk. tonight im going to help them. Because maybe..just MAybe hopefully once i hop in that car and tell them, "i understand your burdens, you dont need to put me in situations like this to discipline me anymore cause quite frankly, you missed more than 8 years of my life and you dont even know it" They would listen. Thats just a miracle though. Most likely they would take that opprotinuty to yell at me though, and say "you see this is what we have to go through for you". I never said i didn't understand that..i respect you guys for that, mom and dad. Its just that You are like friends to me and your doing your purpose in life as i do mine, You had your chance to lend me a helping hand 10-15 years ago. Now im a rebel and i love it. So. im going to help them..idk why this is such a big deal and idk why im doing it. But probably because i feel bad for them because they will die before me and i want to show them im the son they wanted me to be, even though they dont see it. I had a vision i would change this family. And i will do it. Theres enough anger in this house to drive someone mad. Id hate for this to be inherited by the future generations.