June 28th.

Ive been waiting for today for a couple of weeks now. I hope this would be one of the best Entries i ever wrote because this one is suppose to express optimism and a new life. The great thing about this entry is that it speaks in past tense. Exactly one year ago on this date, at 7am. I was at the Airport waiting for a coach bus to get me to Northfield Mount Hermon. I would never forget my group of friends i met there. Alex, Luis, ngoc, liz, Lucky, Fiko, Kubra, Seda, Mayra, heather, mary, everyone else in lower north crosley dorm, and of course Selin. Alex and Luis were my right hand men, they were my best friends i never had and if they were in Boston we would wreck the place together and everyday would be as awesome as it was in NMH. NMH was relaxed so it was a great balance between academics and relaxation, there was a lot of work, but there was always enough time for over-achievement if wanted. This way, unlike here, no one could ever notice i had a 2.0 GPA, they all expected me to be at least a 3.7 like everyone else. I constantly over-achieved there because i felt obligated to and it was great. I remember we had the weekend off and just hung out, but after the third day we started classes and by the second day of class i knew me and Selin were going to get very close. Since the whole place was so laid back, old thomas was. nonexistent. Old Thomas wouldn't be able to maintain himself in such a pleasant world. At least that's what I thought, but that started much later. Selin caught my eyes the second day of class because of her demeanor and she stood out exceptionally because of a poem she presented to the class. I could have wished for nothing more during the program when that class ended. It was great to feel human without any guilt because Old thomas had no anger to thrive on whatsoever in that place. Every day it was, wake up at 7 images of self until 9. Chill for an hour and a half, guitar, tennis, 30 min break, then lunch and chill time until 6 because that was dinner. I think..idk. but after that was study hall shortly after. i believe from 7-10 or something like that was study hall. Then after that was chill time until 11:30 then lights out. Me and selin constantly took walks everyday after 11. It was a beautiful walk every time, even though sometimes we would have nothing to talk about because we got to know everything about each other up to present day by the time the program was over. The stars were always populating the sky like something you see on NASA. On weekends we had no classes, and Wednesdays classes were shorter and we were done with classes by noon. I remember working out with Luis and alex almost everyday starting the second week. IT was a very nice gym. they didnt have many machines but unlike the Y here, they were all very handy and targeted all the useful muscles. Someone really experienced in working out probably set up the gym so that one would feel as if they have not done a full workout unless they used the entire gym. I did that once on a weekend, working out for 6 hours at days where Old thomas found a peephole. On weekend mornings ill wake up and look into Selin's window and say hello, sometimes she was awake, but her roommate was usually always awake when Selin is still asleep and we became very fond of each other, because she understood how much i liked selin. But if it was too early and the blinds are still down, (she slept on the first floor and since i couldn't go into the girl's dorm i had to look through the window Creepy? probably. By the time the third week went by though, it was almost norm cause everyone knew me and selin had something going on and we conversant through the window many times.) I would go far into the campus where my class was, it was very empty there and whenever i was a field it was never smaller than half a football field. Well there was a field near my first classes and i noticed there was a nice little hill there, just enough elevation to not have the sun in my eyes and on mornings when i woke up at 7 on instinct, id lay there for hours. looking at the clouds. It was a beautiful view because the whole campus was on a big hill so the clouds felt really close. Every morning we would walk to breakfast in a fog that left us incapable of seeing 10 ft ahead of us. But at that hill, where i rested, i became truly content with myself. I've fulfilled a life goal by laying on that ill, and i miss still miss it dearly. Trouble didn't start to arise and conflict didn't begin to pick at the close bond between me and selin until late in the third week. Everyone knew me and selin were probably one of the few real relationships(if that made sense, since it was a one month program) but one of the loyalest of relationships in the program (there were plenty). One guy, I've never spoke his name to anyone since the program, not even Selin. because on the third week, probably earlier than that he began to seriously try to court Selin, and tear me and her apart. That is when Old Thomas came out. Clashing with the weak human Thomas there it formed depression, something i havent felt in such a loong time, jealousy, anger, and confusion. Throughout the program, selin refused to actually hold my hand or show common signs of affection around others because she didnt want to get too attatched. She said she wanted to just stay friends. There were several serious conversations that involved us staying friends because getting close would do us no good. It became complicated when i saw this other guy step into the picture and oh the mistakes i've made. We were friends before that situation and i remember walking into his room once after me and selin had another "friend talk" he said 'you know, do you still like Selin? because i want t have her if you dont" and yeah..drove me nuts but i said...no go ahead. and ever since then i ignored him. And i feel bad because after that day. Selin saw that i was getting jealous and i didnt know how to hold myself back and idk why i didn't just talk to the guy, i couldn't get myself to. I wanted to apologize to him. Apparently Selin rejected him because one day when me and selin were taking a walk..the beginning of 4th week....we sat down, and she began to apologize and stuff. I felt really bad because he was actually smarter and just as cool as me, i shouldn't have made her be the one to decide. but she started to cry and then we suddenly started to make out. and she cried some more. and i didn't know what to do cause by that time the tension was soo apparent by him i couldn't look into his eyes and Selin was clearly purposely sitting with me. I wanted her to be free and meet whoever she please since it was her only month in America. I felt really bad. I want to apologize to Ronald. After that, Ronald continued trying, but less obviously and i tried to ignore them when they talked. But since that day we sat at the steps of the place farther than the hill i laid at. we grew closer and yeah. Up to the last day, me and ronald had an unspoken feud. It drove me nuts. in between though there were great moments that made everything right again. Those days when me and alex and luis biked the entire day because it was a weekend and almost everyone on the campus were on a trip to new york, people left their bikes so we stole them and rode the entire day away. We actually managed to ride outside of the campus, but it became a highway so we didnt go any further. Then there was a priod of time when we were at the "Exit" which was a highway and one of the people that joined me and alex biking yelled CAR and we started to BOLT on bikes. one guy fell and we left him because we were so terrified that it was admin. The car followed us the entire way and my legs were so exhausted going up and down those hills, through grass. the van followed us everywhere. Me alex and luis sped into a alleyway and hoped they didnt see us, it was probably the only alleyway on campus since the campus was so spread out. The van past and we continued on our way biking. lol. We found the other guys and the one that we left behind they said it was a bunch of just random people that lived in the area and that they were laughing at us. haha. it was a great thrilling experience though. BIKE OR DIE XD. Another great experience was the day when me and luis played ping pong all day. We were both noobs that helped each other get better and since we were on each others level we made sure to play each other as much as possible. I ended up surpassing him :P beating my first and only other person in a official match by One point. It felt great. Everyone became so pro at ping pong in a matter of a month it was the game of the campus. Another fun day was that day there ws a lightning storm, i wanted to work out but they wouldnt let anyone out of campus. Since the landscape was so high, it became a really hazard to walk out with a lightning storm. Instead Everyone in our dorm, girls guys lower north and higher north crowsley EVERYONE thats like..8 floors of people. lol 2 covered lower north (the one i was in) and 2 covered upper north (the 3rd and 4th floor) and the same for girls....except the girls dorm was called South crowsley.girls and guys were separated. the Whole dorm with everyone combined is called the Crowsley dorm. Any who everyone was down in the lobby (the only place in the dorm where its okay for guys and girls to mingle if its not class time or study hall) and we all watched American pie.beta house. LOL it was a disgusting movie LOL. Yep, it was a great month. it felt like i knew the people for years. The girl i mentioned, ngoc, she was like..best friends with Liz and they just met but they were like..bffls. It was soo apparent that Ngoc(everyone called her tron during the trip because she said call me TRON like Elec-tron), turns out her name is TRAN lol not TRON..i found this out after i got home and found her facebook and i mentioned it to her and she was like i said Tran!! XD) Shes a ditz and a great great person, totally compatible and she had a huge crush on me. She was super like..innocent and when i was around it was so obvious >.>. I ignored it though cause Selin was all i needed. I pretended as if i was completely blind and she respected my blind-ness because if i was to put myself in her shoes, id say she was probably thinking that me and selin looked so adorable togehter she wouldnt want to ruin it. lol cause she is SO like that. I do miss her innocent personality. i would like her here in boston cause she is smarter cuter and better than ALOT of asian girls here. but at nmh she was considered mediocre. All the girls and guys were totally cool and since it was such a small community there would be times i would have a serious conversation with someone i knew nothing about except their name. It was great atmosphere. I met many people by doing that. I thought i had to add her into this entry though, because she was in my first class and we became really great friends she threw TONS of green lights at me and like..you can tell she watched one too many disney movies XD it was all too adorable. lol. There were guys like jackson. He actually matches his name. Hes a year younger than me, like most people here and hes black and short and the most JACKED dude ive ever seen. like hes at the gym and hes half my size but once he gets warmed up his muscles expand and he looks HUGE like..dude youre half my size but right now i get this feeling youre taller than me because like..yeah..he was THAT jacked. lol. but he was completely harmless and he picked up all the European girls cause he was black. LOL. he had a size pack like none ive ever seen, it was seriously..disgusting. lol. but yeah..Alex is coming to boston next friday!! i dont want to miss this for the world. lol Hes coming to boston because one of his friends is going to a harvard orientation and hes hoping to be able to dorm with them or something? XDD. but yeah. Tribute to nmh! omg..and i forgot about Qui and Jay. lol they were like..the twins of the place even though they weren't brothers they were really close friends that met there and ironically both of them had names that were a part of the alphabet lol. they were the dudes that stuck together through and through. The guys yu needed when you needed a funny pair. XD i miss them too. Well, i can write forever about NMH cause it was a AWESOME month. but yeah. Sorry Ronald. and Alex, Luis and Selin. you guys are far beyond badass. OMG and i forgot about Grant! he was a floor below me on dorm and he hung out with Jackson a lot. its funny cause they are COMPLETELY different Grant is like..kinda to himself suburban like tall skinny and white. and grant is super short jacked as hell and black. By the second week they earned the nickname Hootsie cup when they were together (the icecream cup you got with the blend of chocolate and vanilla) and when they were separate id call them chocolate and vanilla xD