tell me that story again, one more time.

There really isnt much to say anymore. Im walking on a endless highway clinging onto nothing but the thought that a miracle might happen and there is hope to come. This is a rather depressing entry so ill keep it brief so that i dont get tempted to erase it. What sucks is that ive even lost interest at wanting to scream on the top of my lungs out to everyone. zzz Honestly i have no clue whats pushing me forward. Im feeding off my memories because im too pathetic and tired to create new ones. Basically, i wish to trap myself in the pathetic vacuum in which i just pulled out of because its the best way to kill time. I dont know when this happened but ive lost interest in LIFE. the only interest i keep in it is the infinte possibilities it holds, and the fact that it is possible for a guy like me to get hit by just one more. This blog...is pointless as well.. its a pathetic way to convince myself that im "trying to express myself" when its clearly a self evaluation of that point in time.

Today is chinese new years and it truely has been a blast. it reminded me that its only been about 5 years ever since my life turned upside down. Sounds rather pathetic since man lives for more than 10x longer than that and i already cant handle such a small feat. the funny thing is it all happened just because i asked someone to be happy. i suffered for as long as i remember, because i asked 1 person to be happy. How rediculous does that sound? ugh. I loved it though. its only been 1/40th of my life but ive learned much about this world. Ive learned as well that somethings are priceless and when things cant be bought, they cant be sold either. my love for you is faint, but i do truely love you. I have much to tell you and if you read this blog then you know you are worthy of hearing it. Because you care enough to keep up with my life as much as i wish to with yours. zzzz..im sorry....but that email i sent you 2 years ago was no bluff. And much has happened ever since then you dont know of so i wish to tell you everything. And somethings telling me that i wont have much time to tell you so im posting this blog now just in case. zzzz...after several years ive managed to say the word love with a minor twitch, but something still holds me back from saying your name.phi. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. ill stop now before i delete it. im so sorry. for ruining your life.