45th post

I dont believe it. ive posted more than double almost triple of what i ever could imagine. It shows stablility because i can only post when Im not confused or in a mental state of chaos. If you havent noticed ive been posting less though. Thats because ive been trying to quit smoking. And because of multiple other things. Why am i such a fuckin depressed person? I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy living. lol. Its hard. Fuck. my adrenaline rush is so inconsistent so i find myself needing to smoke more or les now. I need to stop feeling so depressed. I hate this feeling. I was never depressed before i became human because whenever i felt sad it would either completely dissipate or i'd find it fueling my anger. Wtf. wtf. can someone slap me? i dont need a hug i dont need anyone. I just want to be happy with who i am..im just sitting here at work right now. zzzz. This chapter of my life: depression. Fml. Lets see if i can make shit happen