Flex

Before I type about anything else on my mind, I must give regards to the wonderful week i had with Lauren during her stay in Boston. I really wanted to hang out with her when she was in Boston since Boston is where it started and idk its awesome to hang out with a person in the same places after realizing how much i changed, it controls the variables and gives me a broader understanding of what i have become. Of what the relationship i have with people have become. I enjoyed it alot :D It's surprisingly relieving to know that not much has changed at all. I would elaborate, but my memory fails me and i cannot remember the date or events for the life of me at this moment, lol perhaps its because im caught too much in the memories of yesterday.

I feel really stressed right now and the feeling is very familiar. I want to document a memory..a flashback i had when i was talking to lauren cause its a veryy important memor in my life. It was the third party that kept me going because it was such a pure memory. I notice i throw around that word alot, pure, what does that mean? For people that hear me use it they ask for elaboration so i'll clarify now. Pure means to see something with no contradicting ideas or to see an event through only one perspective. Dont misjudge the word for ignorance, for there is a very thin line between the two. Think of pure being the perpective that does nothing but bring good to the people around it. It carries a positive connotation. Its the person that does what they think is right because of their own beliefs and instincts. Like people that save endangered animals from being hunted cause its wrong to do that. If a person did that for a living and a expert at that idea, i'd consider them pure. Anyways, the memory was of my whole family at a beach when i was no oler than the age of five. My sisters were somewhere and i was having quality time with my parents bathing in the warm seemingly-forever lasting sunset. Funny thing is i dont remember hwere hte fuck that happened, for all i know that could have been just a dream i had, a fantasy i held onto for the past decade of my life. It oozed of the idea of happiness. it was pure happiness. with the stereotypical loving family image. That one memory, or dream...allowed me to have my dose of happiness everyday to maintain my sanity through the harsh years. Meh, this memory was the only one that survived from my young childhood before the chaos cause i remember using memories as fuel is used with cars. but thats a different story, not proper for this entry. So, excuse that tangent as i return to reality.

Yesterday i was excited for the party! i was going to kereoke for the first time in my life and i thought this would be a great time to just get shit out of my head and unwind. shit being school, girls, life, present, past, and future really. haha. well i hung out with lauren of course before going to work and at work it was one of the most tedious days everrr there were enough people to fill the room so that i couldnt do shit but wait for them to ask for help, but there wasn't enough people coming in and out to keep me busy. i ended up getting a decent amount of reading and hw done. Well that indian girl, which i will now say her name is Stephanie. because she holds no more meaning to me. This stress has allowed me to push everything away. anywho she texts me about the party, which was kevins birthday party. apparently she wants to meet me up and leave for the party together. At that moment i said to myself, oh fuck you fate, how dare you threaten a night like this with such a challenge. haha but i was like you know this is going to be interesting if she comes. We'll both be wasted and i'll know my true feelings when im drunk and near her. Then again, it wasnt fate, it was just kevin, poking my endurance and my perseverance. haha since he holds the guestlist. anywho. After work Stephanie meets us up and she was just..absolutely stunning. i walk ahead talking to the dudes and making pizza jokes cause i was wearing a nice jacket and pizza at the same time..odd clash of occupation haha. anywho. I met some really cool people and by the end it was all a blur because everyone was wasted. and there was this asian dude which i loved cause he had a surprisingly good scream and we sang one step closer and he screamed all the screaming parts. that was the only song we got a 99 on even though everyone was singing it. lol usually excesive amounts of people on one mic made the score 00 but yeah. haha awesome. i was headbanging too hahaha. but yeah...i was stressed cause stephanie was Such a flirt. she whispers to people in such a seductive way that it was retarded lol and since i was drunk my emotions took me in completely and i probably looked like a creep. idk, i had fun in the end though. Afterward conor, one of kevins roomates and kevin caught me smoking. fml. haha i was sharing a 100 with a really cool guy i just met named ryan and he was talking about how he noticed the spark between me and steph all night and even though guys were all over her i had the highest chance of getting with her and he used his expertise that is backed with his presently, two girlfriends he maintains without one knowing the other. He asked me if i was with her and i said no and he said k so you dont mind if i go for her? and i said not at all. and i said that i believe that if a guy takes her i would care less that just shows i wasnt worthy. or something like that. and we started talking about other stuff while steph was way ahead with the guys cause she was wasted and a guy named albert was like..breathing down her neck the whole night. lol but yeah..now i feel completely fine. blogging does help. i just noticed. steph has a wonderful personality but its one to be shared if a guy takes her whoopde fuckin do. i doubt it would matter XP i'd probably still be able to hang with her and have dinner with her and everything. No possessive guy can get a girl like her. haha. I dont know why i added this snipit of the story, probably because it made me feel really good to hear someone i didnt know say that i can do something. That doesnt happen often if its not a formal situation. I felt like it was genuine. not like my counselor's doing the "you can do it thomas, i know you can" like..meh. idk. i hear people in that seat say that all the time. and believe me it gets tiring xD.

Anyway, during this entire blog entry i had this song plahing in my head if anyone wants brownie points listen to the song and read the lyrics. cause i dont understand why it was replaying in my head on loop like crazy. i didnt even used to like this song. There is definitely something about it relating to my mood right now. well..Them Crooked Vultures- Elephants.

As for flex, well for situations that get hard, just put some more muscle into it. :P you'll look good and come out strong. Flex for me! haha