R0SE5

lol, no my blog title isnt suppose to show that im cool cause i can type roses in a combination of letters and numbers. Its a Date i should never forget. Roses= 120305 lol i just changed the last zero isnt a E :P. Yes, prehaps i do have too much time on my hands to be changing dates into words as if im cool. But i might just get it tattooed right under the FMA crest im getting. It would make the tattoo Very powerful to me, since this date was the date i lost my memory! :] fun fun fun. yep in three days time i felt as if my memories were just..melting out of me. People that read my previous entries know a decent amount about this. I just thought that id recap since I dont like to look at the word "Pathetic" anymore. It means ive changed A LOT :]. well, yesterday my sister and i had a serious conversation about my family. About how my dad is a fuckin egotistic SOB..pretty much a jock, my mom is probably twice as stubborn as he and holds grudges for legit..20 years. my oldest sister, though 25 years of age, is apparently IMmaturing. Shes going through a extremely rebellious stage and its hurting the entire family since my parents count on her to get the house work done. My other sister, 21 years of age feels as if me and her are the only ones in this family that made it out decently, and i didnt even quite get it straight. So with the flow of mature to immature in our family, Most mature we decided was Our dad, just cause even though heis a total douchebag and stuff he became a douchebag because of the suffer he has gone through due to my mom, i dont quite agree but i see that he is mature and knowledgable. My dad has been literally picking on me. Im 18 years old now pretty much so im quite used to it, but he puts it on full throttle by yelling at me for the most SIMPLEEE things. Things that should even matter. like i wake up to screamin in the morning cause "its driving him fucking nuts that i put on my clothes before i brush my teeth". Eh. i dont see much maturity in that. But next on the flowchart is my 21 year old sister and me. We feel as if we've went through serious growth and became someone new. My sister, if i knew how to cry, i woulda cried last night lol cause it was sad how she was telling me "Thomas you had it worse in our family discipline wise and i saw them destroying you emotionally and i couldnt do anything, and by the time i felt like i could it was too late cause the damage was done." Ive become a rebel. To Everything. lol. And its true, im a rebel at heart, and prehaps it was cause of the family cause i got beat the most and my dad has been playing favorites his whole life. But i dont blame them. I just told my sister, i know this maturity flowchart exist in our family but i still treat everyone equally. My parents are friends my siblings are friends and if theyre wrong i say something because there is no "older person gets to discipline younger" bullshit. Anywho. Onto my 21 year old sister. She had it best cause my dad loved her and she was the one able to talk her way out of everything. My dad treated her completely opposite compared to me and she looks t dad as a very close mentor and a true DAD because he TALKS to her. Thats very fustrating to me cause he would rather make this whole house tremble with his yelling to prove his inexistant point to me, before talking...ehh. I gotten used to it. My sister hates my mom and loves my dad. I pity my mom, and i hate my dad. (and it really is to such extremes). Never the less though, i learn to respect both my parents. My 21 yr old sister though is like..im sorry its just impossible for me to respect mom, because respect is due to those that earn it. So moving along next on the list..its kinda tied with my oldest sister and my mom. Thats pretty sad since my sister is 25 years old and considered just as imature as a extremely fobby asian housewife. For my mom, my 21 sister and I said, "because of my pity and my ridiculous amount of patience for this woman. I may be the only one able to change her character at this point, cause everyone else in the family gave up on her and she has no clue why." I feel bad for her. For her ignorance. My sister feels as if 70% of her personality was learned from dad and 30% herself and like..0% from mom and if anything a negative percentage since mom tried to teach her the old fobby culture like..stay sheltered always and never get friends cause they will lie to you so dont become social and never trust anyone blah blah blah. My sister thinks all that bullshit culture is..bullshit and if she was brought up with two mom's like ours shed have so much angr built up inside she'd punch everything in sight. I agree, my mom just feels comfortable in her hole of ill intent and worry. Next is my oldest sister. She was brought up decent, though with tons more responsibility and since much more than id ever get she came to be a girl with alot of common sense. Ironicly, all that common sense goes to waste cause starting her freshmen year in college, she went out with a highschool "sweetheart" and from there went out with him for like..4 years...4 agonizing years. Due to that her life was thrown in turmoil and she was stuck in this very dependent cycle where she had to have a guy in her life. Idk, it was fustrating. Now she says "i just dont care about them(mom and dad) anymore". It was her advice for my 21 year old sister and my 21 year old sister gave a misunderstood look, cause even though she hates our famiyl and whatnot, you can never not care. But apparently thats what my oldest sister is doing now. She doesnt give a shit about anything and is always out, in order to run away from the reality of home. Ulike me and my 21 year old sister, we learn to project our thoughts and formulate arguements and infact, she was a large reason why im so reasonable (my 21 year old sister) since a huge period of time in my life all the arguements, either simple or big would be like "the minute you yelled, you lost and theres not but to it" so i lost arguements all the time and being a very angry child back then that threw me in a fury, but in the end fighting it taught me how to argue without yelling and with words. I appareciate that laurie. Anyways. Back to my oldest sister, yeah she never learned that so she cant talk to me normally so she legit WHINES like. YOURE 25 YEARS OLD WHY ARE YOU WHINING?! STOPN WHININGGG and she very contradictory too so i can never see hr as a leader. Example: oldest sister:*whines* thomas why are you so rude to mommy and daddy? you really need to learn your manners. Me: i ignore her but like. not only does she whine while telling me, but if i think back EVERY single time my parents tries to talk to her she whines back! its like. okayy so why should i listen to you?. but ehh..Its funny cause my 2 yr old is the medium for my oldest sister and I. My oldest sister oldest feels like she has this authority over me and she gets so fustrated cause im super rude, when imnot. its just i view her like my parents. as equals. So if i yelled back it should be like 2 friends arguing. I shouldnt need to bow my head to her.To end it, my oldest sister has common sense but is so immature that she cannot correct her own mistakes and must GROW out of phases. If youre going through a terrible fad in your life and everything is just fucked up you would just FIX it, but shes so immature she doesnt know how so she just gets more chaotic and waits for time to allow her to grow out of it. Eh. thats why me and my sister put her next to my mom. lol but yeah. i should stop ranting. Im trying to get a sixpack before prom soo..cya! XD