A Free Man

Friday March 14. The longest 2 years and 4 months. lol. I'm listening to Guns and Roses- Paradise City while typing this entry and god fucking damn do i feel good. lol 2 days ago i once again risked everything i had so that i can come to this stage. Although there are small times now when i miss her, due to the memories. I'm proud to present that after a long 7 years (start of steppingstone) to now Ive finally truly in arms reach of my life goal. ahh yess TAKE ME DOWN TO THE PARADISE CITY WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY. TAKE ME HOMEEEE. lol. The music i listen to reflects my personality during the time and i notice a HUGE difference from my past preference of music to present. yeah, now its more of a happy "living life" music cause of the 80's oldies. mm...what do i have to say? I actually consider myself a genius, because i was able to take complete control of my world even though during that time i had to fight to barely fit in. Ive grown from a "i wanna kill myself because of this shit" to a "Nothing you throw at me can make me stray". Ive just noticed though, because it really puzzled me exactly WHYYY people dont see how much ive gone through. and im leaving it with the theory that people that dont have to think and change their thoughts so much, have a stronger bond between body mind and thoughts. unlike me, which my thoughts became shattered and loose but because i was able to strengthen the bond, it actually surpasses the normal mind. Its just like the structure of the human muscles. Once you pull them or strain them, they hurt like a bitch but in the end it actually gets stronger to avoid that from happening again. So yep, average people didnt have to do that extra step and just advanced the whole way. They jogged the whole way at a consistant rate, while i fell back and had to sprint the whole way to catch up. lol. and to think i did it in 7 years isnt half bad either. Since i basically used the BARE minimum of resources, knowing that i didnt even experience how it is to be a adult yet. so i had a whole 40 years of new experiences left to fuel my knowledge be4 i retired. lol. not bad thomas not bad. Well enough of the cockness. Im happy that all that im fighting is my silly self, and this is like a walk in the part once i gain a bit more confidence, so ill put it off to the side a bit. Cause i know i can beat myself to how i want, hands down because it was ESSENTIAL back then XD like...if i couldnt do t yeah..game over. SO hummm...whats next in the book?. i need to make a new goal in life. LOL. and i need to find a new solid motivation besides my own confidence, because that economy has proven to be not so effective. i also need to learn how to become a human. Its something that will suck, but being a thinker doesnt really do any good if i dont use them against all the ignorant people in this world. Which means ima have to jump into the game and get some grades. probably a chunk of smart people and connections grow a future and kick some ignorant ass. XD. If i continue working solo that will work too, but ill be slow and ehh. Well time for reality what do i have?. failure grades. failure life. humm...WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WHILE I WAS GONE THOMAS EHH?! lol. w/e well think of something. lol (talks to self) XD. Like no jokes for some reason when i looked at my report card yday i felt surprised, even though i lived through it, i guess my mind was truely focused on more imporant things. *sigh* lalala well im happy.