I laugh

i laugh because im scared. scared of my future and scared of myself. I sit here staring at a blank screen thinking, trying to find ways around my thoughts to that i can write them all down. I have nothing. lol. I think the reason why im not progressing as fast is because of fear. i hesitate with everything i do and i cant help it. It always used to be a problem but i had ways to face it. im just growing more and more tired, even with this energetic body, and im getting lazier as days past. Im tired of fighting nothingness. tired of trying to understand nothingness. tired of trying to be perfect, with nothing to be perfect in. Im tired of life because ive already accomplished my life goal. zzzz..fuck...im tired of this fuckin computer. tired of the ignorant people around me. Tired of fighting myself everyday because i find it fun. lol...i think you get the point now...i just really dont care. I look at her now and force myself to shed 1 last tear because i screwed up...i did not forfill my promise, and i dnt believe i ever will. The sad thing is ive been i a situation such as this before, where you are stuck with no choice but to run forward into something that would kill you. lol...i guess im just to drained to do it again. ahhh...but i laugh...i laugh from my heart because this worlds a joke. and i fucking love it because i have no other choice.