In the fuckin head

lol...this whole week been pretty much screwd up, i supose to be in a brand new chapter of my life, and things were supose to start going peachy after 6 yrs...finnaly a smell of retirement...zzzz..how wrong i was...the worst my condition gets the more unhealthy i get and the worst my shortterm memory gets. Yes this will stay this vague lol...but its sad. Have you ever looked at something nd thought it was simple, logically speaking, but when you went for it it was on a completely different platform?....yeah thats how i feel..i was 100% not prepared. So that it doesnt stay completely in the darkness, one example would be school. I look at the work with a birdseye view...i see its simple...the work is dead easy...but i still fail to sccomplish what i was there for. Of course i know the reason but i will not say or type it out, because it is only a theory, and if i do say it or type it it might lead to my mind becoming driven to think that THAT charcteristic is to blame, and i vow to keep a open mind. In other news, Ive realized how pointless it is to be materialistic. X]....when i was little i always got fustrated cause i was lacking certain things compared to my friends but after going camping and just fuckin living life like a man walking around with a pistol to his head, you really learn what to be grateful of.