friends! :D

aye now this entry is a special one..cause even for the literally 1 other person thats been commenting on this, it isn't so convenient to read it. SO! anyone that does read it means they are truely my *looks up at title* XD...cause well they give a sht enough to stalk my page. ANYWO, last night was CRAZY lol..i had this dream about me and my friend, rather attactive id say. lol..for some reason i had a jgoigfjif FREAKISHLY VIVID dream of me and her going out..and it was the end of a school day and i was walking past everyone holding her hand..and i saw my whole hispanic group at the table like always and greeted them all..lol...then me and her went somewhere and started making out and stuff IT WAS SO WEIRD...XD and it s the first dream i EVER actually remembered and its like 6 pm and i STILL remember everything its crazy...it wa 10x better than that other dream i had which was the complete opposite...i remember it but its vague..all i remember of it is me and everyone i cared for, closest friends and my family were on a stage and gunned down in front of my face and the ruckus allowed me to escape without injury...WHICH SUCKS cause it isnt pretty at all seeing everyone you care for die in front of you cause of something you did but you manage to escape *shrugs*...but seems like my estimation is right..2 months might actually do the trick....then the REAL battle will begin hehe...the battle of life that is

promises

i wanted to delete my blog..because there will come a time...such as this one where ill have nothing to do but to go over the limit. haha...i had a WHOLE like 3 paragraphs be4..i wrote it like 3 oclock in the morning so it was blah blah blah blah blah....and hey i made it easier for all of us..TADA

and i digress...

for the next 2 months theres no more fucking around..i tell myself that everytime...but i have the minimal resources that are necassary to take the next step....lol everyday starting today i wish to work out for an hour or 2...100 pumps on the left and 50 on the right....50 push-ups..and 50 sit-ups respectively.lol..ill also wear my ankle weights around now that i have an exscuse to wear my boots. if i dont do my exercise for one day then it will be pushed onto the next. that simple...lol..i dont know if ill keep to it but ill try my hardest because its necassary. i was going to title this entry PASSION cause that is the lesson to be learned this net 2 months...but i didnt feel like it.My life has been just dandy these past days, ive become obsessed with skateboarding and was | | that close to adventuring to houses helping them shovel for chump change. lol..which reminds me that i also still want guitar hero and an mp3 player. All not a xmas wishlist, if you get that idea..but just a goal and once i get these materialistic items then i know that ive put effort into it and it paid off..lol...eh everythins happeneing and nothings happening..lol..i just cant wait to get that smell of retirement

I laugh

i laugh because im scared. scared of my future and scared of myself. I sit here staring at a blank screen thinking, trying to find ways around my thoughts to that i can write them all down. I have nothing. lol. I think the reason why im not progressing as fast is because of fear. i hesitate with everything i do and i cant help it. It always used to be a problem but i had ways to face it. im just growing more and more tired, even with this energetic body, and im getting lazier as days past. Im tired of fighting nothingness. tired of trying to understand nothingness. tired of trying to be perfect, with nothing to be perfect in. Im tired of life because ive already accomplished my life goal. zzzz..fuck...im tired of this fuckin computer. tired of the ignorant people around me. Tired of fighting myself everyday because i find it fun. lol...i think you get the point now...i just really dont care. I look at her now and force myself to shed 1 last tear because i screwed up...i did not forfill my promise, and i dnt believe i ever will. The sad thing is ive been i a situation such as this before, where you are stuck with no choice but to run forward into something that would kill you. lol...i guess im just to drained to do it again. ahhh...but i laugh...i laugh from my heart because this worlds a joke. and i fucking love it because i have no other choice.

interesting

ehh i dont feel like getting into it much...friends in business ipod damaged wrist and mysterious lead...just notes to jot down for next time i come on...so i dont forget them XD...hehe

EDIT 11/30/07:
okay well my dad and me had a interesting little conversation that proves my quote ever more."today you can define family, tommow you will define life" idono..thats poping up alot lately...i heard mydad talking on the phone with one of his costomers while i wa eating..and i heard he was laughing and stuff, really having a joking conversation. and i asked him after he hng up if he ever had real friends in the real world. After that my parents laughed as if i was a kid asking how something worked. they said no, and its extremely rare that you would find a true friend because its all abut money. even ral friends that work together, would becomeenemies because of money. it would never work out and all the friends in highschool now are fake..he really tried to drill it into my head that there are no real friends in th world of adults/career.lol... now tackling that subject really got me thinking and of course. I found it how funny that before i was jut talking about how society must work together to achieve the ultimate happiness and herethey go doing the complete opposite. now knowing this, this thought was just born a few days ago, but this way of life has been going on long before i was here. so it got me thinking wow this is one shitty place huh?...but whats different its no new news. so then my mind went to disect it some more as to the solution..because every problem has a solution. and i thought. with what resorces i had, i came up with "wow this is one shity place and the only way to turn this world around is to turn it as a whole" and of course that would mean change of economyand life styles..and it was pretty planned out in my head but i forgot it all XD...yeah this all ran through my head while i was eating..it too like 5 minutes..lol...idono what im talking about, mysterious lead?...lol..wellso much for the lead cause i forgot..lol..and my wrist i think is permenatly damaged cause i find myself stretching my wrist by instinct now, and i tried not to do it, and leave it alone and wat do you know?..lol..it tenses up and my wrist/hand starts to hurt again..so its ehh..lol...ts kinda like pushing up my glasses..its in my blood XD...i will make a new entry cause this is all oldnews, i feel like typing

chicken or the egg?

lol..chicken or the egg?,i say. What suits my miid better is "beginning or end?" haha...last entry i made was rather random, it showed that by instinct i was able to pick apart a simple subject. and now this entry, to new readers, show that i know what im doing..lol...ughh..im typing while scanning my computer, because its the 2nd day and a virus still haunts my computer.zzzz...sucks ass. but anyways. the entry previous, i found out just recently why i wrote it :P. Yeah i wrote about it cause i felt like it, but then again, WHY did i feel like writing about it? lol. I realized exactly-well im underestimating, but i got a good idea of what im gunna be facing in the future. the funny thing is ive already gone through this already, so itll be hard, but this time itll be fun cause i know what to expect. know doing this over again,i thought to myself, doesnt this mean im repeating a mistake?. and the funny thing abut it is yes i am. xD...and i acknowledge it before it een happens..soo why am i following through with my mistake?..well its cause i have no other choice and i think my head knew that from the beginnng, thats why i had such a urge to write the previous message, so that that would mean. shit..i have to practice what i preach. lol...mmm...i can tell, that the next 2 months..will be rather fun.

FEAR

ehh yeah yeah...everyone heard of the quotes about fear, The only thing we have to fear is fear it'self. lol..typical...but the funny thing is..its in the air but noone GRASPS it. honestly, imagine the possiblilties that would open up to you if your werent afraid of death. Now you dont even have to do dangerous things to use that to its full potential. All it would do is allow your mind to ask your head more than..will this hurt me? for example if i was afraid of...going into the swimming pool. because you thought you would drown. What if you werent afraid of death, therefore you can just jump into the water knowing how to swim or not. in doing that im 99% sure that if you do that, youll learn how to swim faster than anyone there. cause picture it..a guy not knowing how to swim with a smile on his face..dives into the water..completely calm..that allows him to float..thn he just puts the strength in his arms to stroke..its just as if he skipped the whole process of LEARNING..which many people have to go through in life becase your parents are dicks(in this peticular subject only, there are many other shortcuts of course) and dont teach you shortcuts like this earlier in the day xD.lol..of course its easier said than done, but its very possible because look at it from this point of view. fear is different in everyone, which means it wasnt there in the first place, and came from somewhere after your brain developed..just like 99.9% of the other things in your head. if your able to change your personality from being a wild guy on fridays clubbing with your friends and switch the next morning to a complete business man, its the same concept. lol..cause fear is only a thought in your head.its a part of your personality yeah sure, but just like 3/4 of all the other parts of your personality, it can be adjusted. Its just that ever since you were little noone put it into your head. :]...simple..lol..so without fear your a fastlearner..and your fture would be 10x brighter than many people because some people are like..idono..im scared that i will fail this test..and o jinkies guess what you FAILED haha..idono...put everything into a bright light so that your life becomes easier..and funner...lol..because Everythings a laughing matter.

atreyu- "my life"

well its obvious atreyu never wrote a song titled that so it theres only 1 other way to interpret it. lol.. i feel really lazy but i think some things should be clearified i spelt that wrong XD...

"praying heaven will open wide

and hold you tight
as for me, i'll be alright"

lol...first chunk of lyrics that was written by anonymous..well i know who wrote it but well anyways...

"Lift up a stone and you will find him,

cherish the beauty in the world around us

Not in buildings or crosses made by man

Judge me, fuck you, stop playing god,

Your forked tongue prophecies,

carelessly caressing the wounds of the weak

People like you should be crucified,

then maybe just maybe you would have an idea

Of what you are talking about.

My only solace is that one day,

judgment will come for the wicked, then we will see who burns

Raise your heads, unclasp your hands,

your weakness makes me tremble

True strength comes from within

And we were given this life to live,

not exist under standards, set by some bullshit rule book

What prayers of yours, were ever answered, by degrading others

Spare me your biblical back peddling nonsense

For the people that you've hurt, and the being your dishonor,

Your fall from grace, will finally justify my means

Judge me and now you are me and what's worse

You are now a traitor to your god

Tell me Judas, how does it feel to be looked down upon

Sinners like you, should be stung up from the highest tree

you judged me and now you are me, stop playing god "

By ATREYU...lol...that basically explains everything right now.

Sometimes, Rain is better

today was the first time in a while that it rained and i liked it. These past weeks were hell and it was nice that it rained while a weekend was comming near cause it was kinda like..."well since you cant wash away those thoughts yourself, ill help you"...kinda thing. lol...i got soaked comming home een though i always have a unbrella inside my bookbag....ahhh....but i wish there was a place i could lay down and not get into puddles, but just get rained on....so that i feel every drop...yep yep...relaxing stuff...XD....and its not a depressing point of view btw..so dont look at it like that...its not like that guy that walks around with a raincloud above his head...its happy rain ^_^...rain that makes a man smile :D

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST

yes, youve probably think the title sounds fimilar, most likely cause of me. Its an anie i started watching a few years ago. Its interesting seeing how people respoind to life, wether its happiness, disappointment, anger, or a feeling of immortality which i know many will experience in the times to come. Whats funny is that more than 90% of people look at their future as life, and not the world...on a grand scale. Fullmetal alchemist expresses this thoroughly throughout the entire show. If you look into a English book you will also find that the author of FMA used literary concepts while showing everyone what they need to know. now this all happens in a matter of 51 episodes which is most fascinating because it truthfully comes the subject that causes all out wars and public disbuts, religion. I abide by all that happens in FMA completely because i believe that the man that created it was a genius, a mind of minds. Combining animation charcateristics with flawless inferences to the world today. Trhough anime watcher, i can tell who is a thinker because whoever dislikes FMA obviously doesnt look at world as a whole. Which is interesting because i can actually find out alot from someone just by asking if they like a show or not. Now why the random subject?..lol...well besides the fact that ive been obsessed with this show for more than 3 years im safe to say that SOME PEOPLE IN THIS FUCKIN WORLD ARE IGNORANT AND PROBABLY IF YOU LOOKED BELOW YOU FOR ONCE YOULL FIND ALL THE ANSWERS...so for people out there that feel that something just fuckin smack them in the face and said your wrong, watch it...youll take alot from it i ganentee you...and if you dont understand the storyline because it got too complex...then that tells me how much shit your in....zzz people these days....7 deadly sins (also thoroughly covered in the 51 episodes)....ugh...pistoltohead

Family

"today you can define family, tommorow you will define life"
ahhh..little quote i remembered after experiencing today..i really do care for my family, i believe their the best around because no family is perfect, and the ones that are never get anywhere.

in other news:
OMFG WEEEEEEE(only one person gets that....omg WEEEEE...i love my WEEEE...dont you? :P)

In the fuckin head

lol...this whole week been pretty much screwd up, i supose to be in a brand new chapter of my life, and things were supose to start going peachy after 6 yrs...finnaly a smell of retirement...zzzz..how wrong i was...the worst my condition gets the more unhealthy i get and the worst my shortterm memory gets. Yes this will stay this vague lol...but its sad. Have you ever looked at something nd thought it was simple, logically speaking, but when you went for it it was on a completely different platform?....yeah thats how i feel..i was 100% not prepared. So that it doesnt stay completely in the darkness, one example would be school. I look at the work with a birdseye view...i see its simple...the work is dead easy...but i still fail to sccomplish what i was there for. Of course i know the reason but i will not say or type it out, because it is only a theory, and if i do say it or type it it might lead to my mind becoming driven to think that THAT charcteristic is to blame, and i vow to keep a open mind. In other news, Ive realized how pointless it is to be materialistic. X]....when i was little i always got fustrated cause i was lacking certain things compared to my friends but after going camping and just fuckin living life like a man walking around with a pistol to his head, you really learn what to be grateful of.

people these days

Atreyu-Dilated (its a myth in my eyes)
Yesterday I forgot to breathe for like the 6th time this week...
Maybe it was the pink cloud strafed sky that changed my mind, and brought me back.
Seems like every day it's kill or be killed...
With all this anger, we cannot progress.
With all this anger there is no time to inhale and progress,
And catch the smell of something that you once knew...
Cause every day it's bear the load or break
When will it be too much?
Have you ever stopped, raised your face up to the sun and screamed?
Let it out exhale the pain that strangulates your soul.
When will I be free? When will I be free? When will I be free?
My lungs take in the fragrance of remorse.What is the cost?Am I living?
If you let your lungs fill up with pain then you will drown, then you will drown in your own regret.
I'm drowning in my own regret!
Stop, look around, the stuff you see rebuild, renown, everything's so beautiful if we just take the time.
My arms feel so numb... my heart palpitates missing a beat.
The blood freezing in my veins... the taste of rust in my mouth!
So today I just threw it all away. I just threw it all away!
Though the light burns my eyes I will not be blind.
If you blink you could miss so much.
Please don't ever close your eyes.

...and i hate ignorance...point blank

=> you know that ive actually posted like...3 entrys?..but i delete them soon after because they reveal my personality too much and for people that dont know me very well (80% of the people i know) they might take my thoughts wrong...and i have no intention of making everyone i know into some kind of therapist by telling them about my life first...so..yep...nice simple entrys should do it

Crash!

yep...crash...

i refused to start a facebook because its just as pointless as myspace so...i was awkwardly convinced into starting something that is known to be the second most pointless thing on earth XD...honestly whenever you think of blog, you think of well..dont read..blog=dont read..simple..XD...people dont care for it so *shrugs*....i can practice on typing faster?

and i shall end with a simple thought...

end by rephrasing the thesis like a well thought out essay:
every end has a beginning, th greater the ending the greater the beginning....