R0SE5

lol, no my blog title isnt suppose to show that im cool cause i can type roses in a combination of letters and numbers. Its a Date i should never forget. Roses= 120305 lol i just changed the last zero isnt a E :P. Yes, prehaps i do have too much time on my hands to be changing dates into words as if im cool. But i might just get it tattooed right under the FMA crest im getting. It would make the tattoo Very powerful to me, since this date was the date i lost my memory! :] fun fun fun. yep in three days time i felt as if my memories were just..melting out of me. People that read my previous entries know a decent amount about this. I just thought that id recap since I dont like to look at the word "Pathetic" anymore. It means ive changed A LOT :]. well, yesterday my sister and i had a serious conversation about my family. About how my dad is a fuckin egotistic SOB..pretty much a jock, my mom is probably twice as stubborn as he and holds grudges for legit..20 years. my oldest sister, though 25 years of age, is apparently IMmaturing. Shes going through a extremely rebellious stage and its hurting the entire family since my parents count on her to get the house work done. My other sister, 21 years of age feels as if me and her are the only ones in this family that made it out decently, and i didnt even quite get it straight. So with the flow of mature to immature in our family, Most mature we decided was Our dad, just cause even though heis a total douchebag and stuff he became a douchebag because of the suffer he has gone through due to my mom, i dont quite agree but i see that he is mature and knowledgable. My dad has been literally picking on me. Im 18 years old now pretty much so im quite used to it, but he puts it on full throttle by yelling at me for the most SIMPLEEE things. Things that should even matter. like i wake up to screamin in the morning cause "its driving him fucking nuts that i put on my clothes before i brush my teeth". Eh. i dont see much maturity in that. But next on the flowchart is my 21 year old sister and me. We feel as if we've went through serious growth and became someone new. My sister, if i knew how to cry, i woulda cried last night lol cause it was sad how she was telling me "Thomas you had it worse in our family discipline wise and i saw them destroying you emotionally and i couldnt do anything, and by the time i felt like i could it was too late cause the damage was done." Ive become a rebel. To Everything. lol. And its true, im a rebel at heart, and prehaps it was cause of the family cause i got beat the most and my dad has been playing favorites his whole life. But i dont blame them. I just told my sister, i know this maturity flowchart exist in our family but i still treat everyone equally. My parents are friends my siblings are friends and if theyre wrong i say something because there is no "older person gets to discipline younger" bullshit. Anywho. Onto my 21 year old sister. She had it best cause my dad loved her and she was the one able to talk her way out of everything. My dad treated her completely opposite compared to me and she looks t dad as a very close mentor and a true DAD because he TALKS to her. Thats very fustrating to me cause he would rather make this whole house tremble with his yelling to prove his inexistant point to me, before talking...ehh. I gotten used to it. My sister hates my mom and loves my dad. I pity my mom, and i hate my dad. (and it really is to such extremes). Never the less though, i learn to respect both my parents. My 21 yr old sister though is like..im sorry its just impossible for me to respect mom, because respect is due to those that earn it. So moving along next on the list..its kinda tied with my oldest sister and my mom. Thats pretty sad since my sister is 25 years old and considered just as imature as a extremely fobby asian housewife. For my mom, my 21 sister and I said, "because of my pity and my ridiculous amount of patience for this woman. I may be the only one able to change her character at this point, cause everyone else in the family gave up on her and she has no clue why." I feel bad for her. For her ignorance. My sister feels as if 70% of her personality was learned from dad and 30% herself and like..0% from mom and if anything a negative percentage since mom tried to teach her the old fobby culture like..stay sheltered always and never get friends cause they will lie to you so dont become social and never trust anyone blah blah blah. My sister thinks all that bullshit culture is..bullshit and if she was brought up with two mom's like ours shed have so much angr built up inside she'd punch everything in sight. I agree, my mom just feels comfortable in her hole of ill intent and worry. Next is my oldest sister. She was brought up decent, though with tons more responsibility and since much more than id ever get she came to be a girl with alot of common sense. Ironicly, all that common sense goes to waste cause starting her freshmen year in college, she went out with a highschool "sweetheart" and from there went out with him for like..4 years...4 agonizing years. Due to that her life was thrown in turmoil and she was stuck in this very dependent cycle where she had to have a guy in her life. Idk, it was fustrating. Now she says "i just dont care about them(mom and dad) anymore". It was her advice for my 21 year old sister and my 21 year old sister gave a misunderstood look, cause even though she hates our famiyl and whatnot, you can never not care. But apparently thats what my oldest sister is doing now. She doesnt give a shit about anything and is always out, in order to run away from the reality of home. Ulike me and my 21 year old sister, we learn to project our thoughts and formulate arguements and infact, she was a large reason why im so reasonable (my 21 year old sister) since a huge period of time in my life all the arguements, either simple or big would be like "the minute you yelled, you lost and theres not but to it" so i lost arguements all the time and being a very angry child back then that threw me in a fury, but in the end fighting it taught me how to argue without yelling and with words. I appareciate that laurie. Anyways. Back to my oldest sister, yeah she never learned that so she cant talk to me normally so she legit WHINES like. YOURE 25 YEARS OLD WHY ARE YOU WHINING?! STOPN WHININGGG and she very contradictory too so i can never see hr as a leader. Example: oldest sister:*whines* thomas why are you so rude to mommy and daddy? you really need to learn your manners. Me: i ignore her but like. not only does she whine while telling me, but if i think back EVERY single time my parents tries to talk to her she whines back! its like. okayy so why should i listen to you?. but ehh..Its funny cause my 2 yr old is the medium for my oldest sister and I. My oldest sister oldest feels like she has this authority over me and she gets so fustrated cause im super rude, when imnot. its just i view her like my parents. as equals. So if i yelled back it should be like 2 friends arguing. I shouldnt need to bow my head to her.To end it, my oldest sister has common sense but is so immature that she cannot correct her own mistakes and must GROW out of phases. If youre going through a terrible fad in your life and everything is just fucked up you would just FIX it, but shes so immature she doesnt know how so she just gets more chaotic and waits for time to allow her to grow out of it. Eh. thats why me and my sister put her next to my mom. lol but yeah. i should stop ranting. Im trying to get a sixpack before prom soo..cya! XD

Someday! Oh Someday!

In many ways they'll miss the good old days
Someday, someday
Yeah it hurts to say but I want you to stay
Sometimes, sometimes
When we was young oh man did we have fun
Always, always
Promises they break before they're made
Sometimes, sometimes

Oh, My ex says im lacking in depth
I will do my best
You say you wanna stand by my side
Darling your head's not right
I see alone we stand together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables they turn sometimes.
Oh someday.
I ain't wasting no more time.

Trying, trying.

And now my fears, they come to me in threes
So I, sometimes
Say "fate my friend", you say the strangest things
I find, sometimes

Oh, My ex says i'm lacking in depth
Say I will try my best
You say you wanna stand by my side
Darling your head's not right
I see alone we stand together we fall apart
Yeah, I think I'll be alright
I'm working so I won't have to try so hard
Tables they turn sometimes.
Oh someday

I ain't wasting no more time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8CqkUrKFDk


So this is my favorite song right now by the strokes. Your task is to find out why, cause after 17 years the rule still holds. The song(s) im addicted to during that period of time relates to me the most. :] In other news, Interesting date umm what was it...i recall it was the day of my AP test so it would be a little less than month ago. It was probably one of the happiest days :P. Time to try to remember shit as i type okay..what happened that day...humm. Ap physics test happened and it was 3:16 when they called and the test was suppose to end at 4 but didnt end until 4:20. Whos the they? well i found out after the test northeastern called and i was accepted into foundation year! woot woot. yeah i was running through the halls excited. Me and aleyda went to hang out to celebrate her finishing of everything and my acceptance :] we went to visit Nathan, her bf, at a baseball game then we hopped on a silver line to downtown to eat at wendy's. lol. umm..yeah it was just a day full of smiles :]. That same day something very interesting happened. Im not sure if i ever wrote about it in any of my entries or matter of fact told anyone. But ever since i could remember, i had really keen intuition when i was little and i helped my sister find stuff cope with life problems, and at times warn her and anyone around me for danger cause usually it was right about unlucky occurrences that coulda been avoided if i spoke up. idk, my brian subconsciously knew how fate worked. it wasnt until i was 11 that i fully understood my own intuition though since it was made up of just..moodswings and fragmented thoughts. So it took me years to find a pattern and understand my own intuition. By the time i mastered it. It vanished because Phi popped into my life and an intuition like that needs a clear mind almost vulnerable cause i need to get the mood swings in order to know if my intuition was telling me something good or bad. but yeah. So the last time i felt it was like..what? 7-8 years ago?. tell me why a month ago when i was looking for my messenger bag cause it disappeared from the face of the earth i felt it again. It was VERY bad too and for once in like..years i was scared shitless. okay lets rewind a bit. My parents, ever since i was a wee boy had closets full of huge jackets that they "saved for when i was older" well im 18 now dude and ive yet to try on a single one and actually expect to continue to wear it. Well i went close to them and i feel a shiver but its no biggy, i always get shivers here and there (forgeting that used to be a strong warning for when my intuition was warning me) but yeah i tried on this trenchcoat that was so long it hit below my halfway of my shins and it was like..muddy kaki color. The longer i wore it though. the more shivers i got. it suddenly got cold and thats when my intuition started acting up, as its doing right now. I remmeber it was like screaming in my head TAKE THAT FUCKING COAT OFF GET It OFF GET IT OFF. i swear that coat was haunted cause i legit could not bear it. so i threw off the coat and left it on the floor until my parents woke up and asked them where they got the coat. Once they said "filene's basement" my intuition told me otherwise and a picture of a abandoned warehouse flashed through my mind. My sister believes in my intuition cause it helped her many times. so when she heard that it awakened again she was at first really interested, then surprised then as scared as me XD. yeah..its kinda creepy how it happened cause of a coat. I touched the coat again today but only got a shiver, probably cause of what happened the last time. but idk. well.it pulled down my mood completely and i wasnt even exicted for NEU after that anymore T_T cause i was like a little kid rocking back and forth in my chair scared shitless. lol Phi was a huge part of why i became so mentality keen and it was the reason why i continued to grow mentally. but i always forget that i was kinda destined for this. cause of my keen intuition that started it all up and i woulda grew out of my intuition and i woulda stayed at a level a little bit higher than the average mentality but yeah, its what started it. As for everything else in my life right now..ehh bunch of shit. this whole entry was about a little less than a month ago :P beside the song, i still do really like that song >.> lol

Fullmetal alchemist. Last episode.

Of course i saw the last episode of Fullmetal alchemist! Its when ed and al finally reclaim their bodies but realize in order to do so they are human once again. In a world where alchemy(mentality) no longer exist. That is their last episode, but i must say it is not the last for me. I now have trouble doing everything that i was able to do in my sleep. I remember all those days of power that are literally leaving me by the day. As it did 120305 when i lost my memories. But this time its different because there is a substitute. Well, i dont know what to say, its may im about to graduate but have no idea where im going. And quite frankly i still dont care. I should be dead right now, and i still kinda wish i was. So everything is kinda obsolete and these passions i threw my feeble life at: tennis, robotics, skateboarding, guitar. They are so Materialistic that i see right through them when MY reality slaps me in the face at night. Im glad im human because now i can flirt with females again and have a good time. But it never follows through because i still have memories, and the old thomas did a almost perfect job cursing me. I remembered how it felt to truely love again recently and now. Its interesting. blahh everything is blahh right now. I wrote this entry cause i remember how i used to be. how i am. how blind the world is. And how this song. Seven Years. Taunts my life. Im pretty much depressed right now. hopefully that changes soon. I have a Bls prom date named Jannie. Shes a female gamer XP awesome and she has a just very average personality. One i can hold a conversation with anytime anywhere. Today is also mothers day. I havent said happy mothers day yet because my sisters havent and i woke up after them so i didnt feel like initiating it. what else?. Guitar. its w/e lol..atm moment at least. Its a rather outrageous situation. what else?. Idk. Ap physics test tomorrow. this entry helped clear my head of everything im thinking about right now. But it brought my mood down cause of the fact that now its on the table and idk what to do with it. So like a book, ill just close this window. and read this entry a few months from now and say wtf and everythng will go Oooh. lol blah. bye.