friends! :D

aye now this entry is a special one..cause even for the literally 1 other person thats been commenting on this, it isn't so convenient to read it. SO! anyone that does read it means they are truely my *looks up at title* XD...cause well they give a sht enough to stalk my page. ANYWO, last night was CRAZY lol..i had this dream about me and my friend, rather attactive id say. lol..for some reason i had a jgoigfjif FREAKISHLY VIVID dream of me and her going out..and it was the end of a school day and i was walking past everyone holding her hand..and i saw my whole hispanic group at the table like always and greeted them all..lol...then me and her went somewhere and started making out and stuff IT WAS SO WEIRD...XD and it s the first dream i EVER actually remembered and its like 6 pm and i STILL remember everything its crazy...it wa 10x better than that other dream i had which was the complete opposite...i remember it but its vague..all i remember of it is me and everyone i cared for, closest friends and my family were on a stage and gunned down in front of my face and the ruckus allowed me to escape without injury...WHICH SUCKS cause it isnt pretty at all seeing everyone you care for die in front of you cause of something you did but you manage to escape *shrugs*...but seems like my estimation is right..2 months might actually do the trick....then the REAL battle will begin hehe...the battle of life that is

promises

i wanted to delete my blog..because there will come a time...such as this one where ill have nothing to do but to go over the limit. haha...i had a WHOLE like 3 paragraphs be4..i wrote it like 3 oclock in the morning so it was blah blah blah blah blah....and hey i made it easier for all of us..TADA

and i digress...

for the next 2 months theres no more fucking around..i tell myself that everytime...but i have the minimal resources that are necassary to take the next step....lol everyday starting today i wish to work out for an hour or 2...100 pumps on the left and 50 on the right....50 push-ups..and 50 sit-ups respectively.lol..ill also wear my ankle weights around now that i have an exscuse to wear my boots. if i dont do my exercise for one day then it will be pushed onto the next. that simple...lol..i dont know if ill keep to it but ill try my hardest because its necassary. i was going to title this entry PASSION cause that is the lesson to be learned this net 2 months...but i didnt feel like it.My life has been just dandy these past days, ive become obsessed with skateboarding and was | | that close to adventuring to houses helping them shovel for chump change. lol..which reminds me that i also still want guitar hero and an mp3 player. All not a xmas wishlist, if you get that idea..but just a goal and once i get these materialistic items then i know that ive put effort into it and it paid off..lol...eh everythins happeneing and nothings happening..lol..i just cant wait to get that smell of retirement

I laugh

i laugh because im scared. scared of my future and scared of myself. I sit here staring at a blank screen thinking, trying to find ways around my thoughts to that i can write them all down. I have nothing. lol. I think the reason why im not progressing as fast is because of fear. i hesitate with everything i do and i cant help it. It always used to be a problem but i had ways to face it. im just growing more and more tired, even with this energetic body, and im getting lazier as days past. Im tired of fighting nothingness. tired of trying to understand nothingness. tired of trying to be perfect, with nothing to be perfect in. Im tired of life because ive already accomplished my life goal. zzzz..fuck...im tired of this fuckin computer. tired of the ignorant people around me. Tired of fighting myself everyday because i find it fun. lol...i think you get the point now...i just really dont care. I look at her now and force myself to shed 1 last tear because i screwed up...i did not forfill my promise, and i dnt believe i ever will. The sad thing is ive been i a situation such as this before, where you are stuck with no choice but to run forward into something that would kill you. lol...i guess im just to drained to do it again. ahhh...but i laugh...i laugh from my heart because this worlds a joke. and i fucking love it because i have no other choice.