Im ready.

Everyone (which includes pretty much me myself and i) i wish to make a grand announcement. Today is the checkpoint. Ive finally reached the gate. This metaphorically gate refers to the gate of meditation and opening the gate and going through it make take more months and going back and forth but still. I see what lies ahead of me and its a new thomas. Meditation is not a step backward anymore. I will live happy and sucessful. I will fulfill my dream as a human. Its going to be hard. im sure insanity isnt too far behind and especially in the beginning i might stagger and stray into the past...but everyday ive tried meditating more and more. ive reached the point where i can manually transfer a small amount of heat to my hands alone. Not bad for someone trying to find their center again. And ive disciplined myself for sessions with spans of 3 hours long. Returning fine and without insanity, but very exhausted XD. I wouldnt say i meditated..i simply earned a calm mind. A stable mind. With this said i will now move onto my new blog. If you want the link please ask. The new blog will be my present self and it WILL affect me if i spread it to the wrong people so i will choose wisely. Aside from that, i can say my sophmore year is starting strong. even though i see bad habits forming such as me being up at 3am when i have a 9am to 1 pm class soon, hopefully it doesnt affect me too much. This is what i signed up for when i decided to meditate. Unfortunately, since i made a solid decision in the last blog post i couldn't pull away from the thought of meditation completely knowing that i might be taking steps backwards. But with that resolve im now carving out a new path one with strength and anger but happiness and yes i do see the campibility of capping my skills. I dont want to drown in my own thoughts again regardless of it being happy or angry. I wish to be a person with emotions but think reasonably and logically. I have already experienced some contradictions because meditation requires a completely unbiased mind and an unbias mind requires a lack of emotion. Ill deal with it though. Theres always a double win. Hopefully from here on out ill serve to be a better person to myself. As for quitting smoking, I think it can stick around for a bit longer XD. Im speaking of this as if its the end of something but honestly its just the beginning. Im really excited with the first enlightenment i had just moments ago. :]

I am currently learning the two most generic types of meditation. Id like to name them fierce meditation and sleep meditation. Both of them ive mastered before im just taking a different path. fierce meditation is what involves me manipulating the heat. stimulating the physical body to complete task. This one..since i am not even meditating yet does nothing but drain my energy. Its like earning money(energy) just to burn it for the sake of learning how to use it. Its very tiresome and if i used anger or adrenline rush this branch would grow exponentially but i refuse to use anger as a energy source..instead i will use fear because i wish to feel fear even though i hate it. The second type is sleep meditation. relaxation meditation. This is more mental and since i cannot meditate now my mind is just blank and i just go into a deep almost lazy mode. When i snap out of it my body feels super exhausted but thats because i was in a deep/light sleep. after five mins, if done properly, i would have more energy than i had before. This mediation will help the other branch as the other branch will help this one. But thats in time. I just wanted to document this for future reference XD
well without further adue, CYA! i love you.