Consideration

With much consideration, I've decided to write another blog post. I dont know to say. My life consist of responsibilities and obligations right now that i must consider. College is great. I went to my first college party in september and thats when my life went on a tangent. from there i found a motivation. not a strong one but a steady one.im just dropping thoughts. blah life pretty much consist of pool hw and stress. lots of stress. the gnawing feeling happens every so often. somewhere inbetween this entry and the last i began to smoke. i think its bad. idc. lol i need a haircut, ever since laurie left for australia in august my hair hasnt been cut. i look like a wild bush. ummm...fuck. i feel like crap cause im doing bad in school. and im kicking myself cause its all my fault and im blaming myself from a third person view when actually i have complete control over my problems. im just too lazy to just do my work and make myself less stressed. idk. do i like stress? another train of thought. Pharmacy girls. they're annoying. at first i thought they were going to be my new groupie. ehh they all got tired of me. i got tired of them. lot of people dont really like me in northeastern besides kevin nd some other asian dudes. Am i annoying? eh most likely. I want to say i dont care. but apparently i do cause that kinda adds to the stress... lack of acceptance underneath the self reassurance that im awesome. Image is fading. Mind is weak. I wonder if i'm ever going to be content with living. blah.train of thought. Materialism. Its growing. laptop itouch, i owe close to 100 dollars worth of money to people. kevin kelly don and mike. oh train of thought. i started taking ballroom. like usual im not natural with it. ehhh train of thought. sycellia? its a pretty name. she works in the pool room and we talked couple times. first multiple times was with me starting just hi hows your day oh thats nice pool table please? then she came up to me randomly one day and thanked me cause im very patient and stuff witht he pool table. after that i started talking to her. she helped me find a job there. yay. shes a cool person. just like all the other girls i've sorta clicked with though. shes older than me. meh. i have a fetish for older girls. lol they are more free spirited. digression. I only use one contact now, its been like that for pass couple weeks. my right contact ripped. oh weel one eye is enough. Reminiscing. Richard drew me for his manga. i look really badass. funny thing is something tells me he knows more about the old me than i thought. i guess it just bled from my personality. in the manga i am who i was. always laughing but i weilded a dangerous weapon. adrenline rush. the grimace.It was the side of me that was a killer. I truely fantasized abot running through forest hills with a knife neatly carving. old thomas. fucking humans. I am human now. Digression. Being human is fun. i feel pain. If someone lies to me i feel betrayed. i feel a part of this world. meh. Conclusion. Life is a mess of thoughts right now this was the best way i can portray them. Picture. 18 year old male asian. Confused. Annoyed. New digression after conclusion. Music shows who i am right? never thought i would see the day. i cant listen to metal on a daily basis anymore. The smiths. Phoenix and the whitest boy alive the strokes bloc party yeah... late 90's bands trying to bring back the indie soun but keep a tang of punk. It sounds awesome. Im looking into interpol right now. Stage? isolation. mood. indifferent. craving. love.